Adam, 14th & 6th Avenue ManhattanEveryone has their bad days. Everyone makes mistakes. Shame is the lifeblood the keeps the heart beating. Kevin and I once had very different love affairs with the idea of shame. Perhaps Kevin's was more poignant, but embarrassingly I can't remember what it was. I don't remember what mine was either. But every time I think of the idea of shame I think of the Brougham driving down Lake Washington Boulevard, me tugging at the wheel from the passenger's seat or scraping my tooth stuff on the dashboard. I remember the hubris of youth. There is shame in that too.
I rarely see Adam. He once lived with Newsie and I rarely saw him then. But damn, what a likable guy, as my wife would say. He is an artist like many others. He is living off savings and hoping something sells. He has savings. That is something to be proud of right there.
Adam Helms
I rarely see Adam. He once lived with Newsie and I rarely saw him then. But damn, what a likable guy, as my wife would say. He is an artist like many others. He is living off savings and hoping something sells. He has savings. That is something to be proud of right there.
Adam Helms
2 comments:
my point about shame was that in order to lessen its power you had to water it down with some sort of confession. Shame's toxic effects are increased in hiding. The long dialogues that Joel and I had about shame usually involved clever ways to confess things. Ultimately though, the big shame is probably more of a medicine ball confession, you can't wield it casually during fondue. Old friends who have long ago accepted your flaws are the perfect receptacles of these confessions. that's my shame spiel . . . hopefully joel will weigh in too.
"Lift up your shame!" Kelvin said while doing a 'raise the roof' arm movement. We were at a now-defunct coffee shop in Ashland, OR and I believe that we were both dealing with feelings of shame about a falling down while wearing silly hats sort of drunken evening. We had shame, we had chagrin. I was at the time trying hard to improve myself by feeling really really bad in a private about my behavior. Kevin, though, showed me a different way:
Lift up your shame.
It is watered down when spoken aloud. I do it with my girlfriend now. If I feel bad about something that I did or something that I am thinking I just say it out loud.
"I just went to work with bed head. Was there for hours before I realized it."
And it does not sizzle in my stomach anymore. Kevin taught me how to do that.
I think that Kevin and I came to realize that we will always do shameful things of one degree or another. Don't expect that you can draw a line in the sand and stop disappointing yourself. Just think that the self dismay is part of getting better, be glad for it.
Lift up your shame.
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