Mutability and the Meaning of Manhood

The older I get, the more I am confronted by the axioms that have long been traded on the black market of my subconscious. These things have to do with family and insecurity, secret desires and unacknowledged slights, ridiculous hopes and those sorts of things. Its like I am wrapped up in my own private truth and reconciliation commission. The current hearing concerns a vast personal underground culture of inconsistency. While I like to view my core personality as more or less set, the rest of my demeanor and activity is of such a protean nature that I regularly go unrecognized by peripheral acquaintances. I am either growing a beard or a mustache or shaving my head or letting my hair get wild. I am rarely ever straight with my appearance for too long. Further, my obsessions are still constantly changing. Sometimes this, sometimes that, devoting my time to this or to that, priorities shifting all the time. I can't imagine this is easy on those around me.

Jack's brother, we will call him "N" to protect his identity, sent me an interesting book by Clotaire Rapaille named "The Culture Code." I have just started reading it, but already it is making me think about things slightly differently. In respect to myself, just this morning I realized that I fall under that sort of person who equates "manhood" with the sea. That is, when I think of the highest actions of manliness, I instantly think of sailing, skin diving and fishing. I suppose that comes from growing up in the shadow of maritime culture. It certainly has me painting myself quite unmanly in my current incarnation.