Fall, unlike for some, fills me with dread. Others goosh about the changing of the seasons. Rapturous glee vomiting about wearing sweaters and cold walks through leaf strewn parks. Apple Picking! Fashion! Football Season! Boring, stupid, gross. All I see are compressed time frames. Birthdays and ridiculous parties. Inconvenient and inauthentic holidays. The sun sets early and rises late. School, work, the next season of that insipid television show. Allergies, sickness, swells I've no time to enjoy. All in a mad rush to the turn of the year, the whole time pressing worries about time off, airfare and whether this will finally be the best New Years Party Ever. I long for the open road of summer. You can do this and that, there's plenty of time. But really, you'll only do that, because you're free to be lazy. Autumn, you can keep your goddamn Turkey Bowl, I've got a pumpkin up my butt.